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I don’t why I am so used to making a “Things To Do” list. And as each thing gets done I cut it out. When it’s all done the pleasure is just so over whelming. This week I happily cut out a few such chores that were pending for so long, all for various reasons and none had anything to do with laziness. But there are still a few things left on the agenda and I just hope they are done by the year end.
I am happy now Nadzy will not complain about her slow PC as she has been doing for many months now after getting the new system. But I am shocked how she managed to do so well on those facebook applications with the screwed up PC :P I see the child in her every day as I see her excitement when she shows the casino she got in the Mafia Wars; the way she keeps her garden; the fairies and those bears and pet society etc. Her passion and love for little things is sweet.
Ammi can’t hear too well but she dare not want to use the hearing aid (Kaan Ka Aaalaa – as we tease her). She hates it. So, she gets angry when she doesn’t get what we are saying. When she watches those irritating news channels or listens to the radio on full volume in the kitchen, even if I’m locked inside my room I get to hear it all. She loves watching news channels. Even if we are watching something she will say “kabhi news bhi laga dia karo”. Her love for news is on similar lines as she once loved watching Star Plus dramas many years ago. From 8pm-10pm she watched her series of favorite soaps – Kasuti Zindagi Ki, Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki, Kyun Kay Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi and then there was something else too. And then the next day she watched the repeat as well :)
Anyway, I never understood why people who smoke are disliked and if a female is the one smoking that seems like the ultimate sin and the looks everyone gives them is more than weird. And the ones to give the look the most are those who themselves are the first to do all the screwing and fucking around (obviously not in the open) but come on who do they fool because everyone is aware of whatever is happening, even if people don’t say it out loud.
It’s strange but true in more than one way, that people are kind of stuck up. Probably, the majority just doesn’t want to accept people the way they are. As long as you conform and do stuff the way everyone else is doing all’s good. I know a lot of people who smoke and drink and who are genuinely good humans. Much better than those who don’t indulge in any such fun but have the meanest and ugliest of hearts and who don’t think twice before hurting somebody else. I feel just because a few people do things that you do not do, one shouldn’t consider them bad.
I knew a girl who was slightly cracked in the head and who was very mean to everyone who cared about her and used to be super sweet with those who gave her attitude. She used to always say I hate every man who smokes and drinks. And women who smoked – she thought they were sluts. I guess, if she would have known I smoke too when I get all down and depressed she would say the same about me. But, I know I wouldn’t have bothered much. Somethings I just do for myself.
There are times when I get really, really angry. It’s rare but it does happen. The time comes and I can get unpredictable. It’s just that when the point of realization occurs and I get the feeling that I just have to put the foot down, then it has to be done. And thank god I have never regretted any of those decisions.
Sometime ago, I was getting this strange suffocating feeling which I couldn’t take no more. There were too many reasons and a lot of shit had piled up. So, I did what I did. I really don’t care what people who mean nothing to me think and am glad it’s all done. Am not angry at anything anymore. But when I look back over those years, I see how people who portray to be such gentle creatures use you and throw you when the work’s done. I too went through that phase and never realized when it was happening. And there was an ugly phase. Then there was silence. Now it’s all better. So as it’s said, it’s all COOL! (meaning nothing).
Now, I get to hear the same people are following the same route and getting all close to the right people to get things done their way once again after screwing them hard. Times change and circumstances change and those who screw you once can do that again. But I hope nobody is blind enough to be fooled once again by the same shit. It would be utterly sad.
