“I don’t want to live – I want to love first, & live incidentally.”Zelda Fitzgerald
It sounds cute, but one has to be quite brave to even utter that sort of thing in a world that is only following the ordinary. On top of it, they’re all content, which makes me say…Oh boy, you are missing out a lot! How could you do this to yourself? Anyway, these are choices. Some make & some are not even aware of.
While going through the note of my sister, I wrote this comment:
“What I meant was really naughty things, not boring stuff! Things that can prove you are human, after all. Don’t you want to kiss anyone or something like that. Maybe something more than that. Or maybe anything & everything beneath the sheets. I was referring to that kind of stuff.”
These are my exact words. Today I had not been in a very good mood & when I scribbled these lines…I couldn’t help smiling. One is thrilled no doubt. And I can’t imagine a life without all the naughty things. However, there are 2 questions that come to my mind: 1) Am I obsessed with naughty thoughts? Before I write down the other question…I want to share this…I once read somewhere: “It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.” My second question is one of those. 2) Is there a being who doesn’t want to think about such stuff? Or do they just pretend to be so naïve? Cause they think bad of those who even say such things. I have always been labeled as someone making such dirty statement. The case against me goes something like this: I enjoy saying such stuff. Oh I do!
I once read about a character. Whenever she used to meet someone she liked, she used to make love with him. Naturally the common word from the mouth of an ordinary person would be: slut. Let’s not confuse it with men sleeping with thousands of women & thinking it to be their right. Cause both men & women use the word slut for such ladies. Now you do the thinking & I’ve to move on to something else that’s pricking my mind.
Anyway, I believe it’s quite natural for anyone to visualize or to go wild in their imaginary world. But we have some people whose sense of right & wrong is extremely rigid, besides being annoying. And the funny thing is…they want every one to follow their opinions & beliefs. Since it’s not possible, they judge people by this loaded yardstick they have formed in their minds, cause they can’t stand detestable baseness. They don’t mind going for the same baseness somewhere in hiding though. Well if the world doesn’t know about this, it never happened. I just couldn’t use the word sin.
In their frenzy, they totally forget that there is only one being who can judge us, mortals & he is called God. To put it mildly, it’s always between God & the person; it’s never between the people & that person, any way. But how to get this into their thick heads?
I’m a writer, not a saint. And I don’t want to write things that people want me to write, cause they can only approve of it & they don’t know how to go beyond it. I’m sorry I can’t do that. And yes, I don’t want to be politically correct either. Exploring life…exploring yourself…exploring the beauty & ugliness around you…exploring for the sake of exploring – these are things that might take your entire life. But I believe these are the things that make one alive. Quite frankly, I’m still trying to understand myself. I try to do my best when I explore beauty & ugliness around me, but I am human & I can make mistakes. That much I know. I know my limitations as a human. But the question is : Are you aware of your limitations? Or that’s just a yardstick to measure other people’s fault on a daily basis?
Now coming back to the topic…I’ve named it so, because I wanted your attention. And thank you for reading it, if you have come so far! I believe Paris is a kind of place where you can have all sorts of experiments, provided you also have money. One can have fun anywhere though. You have to have that spirit.
Nadira Rahman
