Z & I have stopped asking ourselves ‘why me?’ ages ago. It must be obvious from my writings that I do miss my father & I think if he had been around, things would have been different. He could handle really sickening situations. He was a very strong individual. But then I think God wanted to test us & so it happened.
I do come across people who think their problem is the biggest problem in the world. I wouldn’t lie…sometimes even while listening to them, I have the feeling that this person doesn’t know jack shit about life or he/she hasn’t seen life at all. You know life happens to you when you get into deep shit. It’s not easier for me to comprehend everything but I try. At the same time, I know that I don’t have to experience each & every calamity to know that this particular thing exists.
I do find it unfair that Papa passed away so early. Umar, Z & I really needed him. I know quite a few people who lost their fathers when they were very young & only they can understand as to what it is to lead a life without a father. I have also met people who claim that the death of a mother has far reaching effects. I think both parents are equally important & even the death of one can be extremely devastating for the child. And yes I don’t understand these stupid comparisons & neither do I have the desire to know as to why people make these bloody comparisons.
Certain statements & questions tend to annoy me, other than annoying people. One such question is: how would I react if I had been in someone else’s place? I react badly when I’m treated badly. The only difference is that I make sure I pay tribute to such assholes & bitches. When married people say to me…Nadira you’re better off single…You know I seriously have the urge to say that you had that choice too but you just couldn’t wait & you were afraid of growing old; it requires courage to stay single when you actually believe in marriage. And now I must come to the classic statement. Some people have a habit of making really big statements. My 1st love said to me & I quote: ‘You are not smart enough for me.’ I’m glad I wasn’t as I prefer educated people now.
I often look back & I have a feeling that everything happens for a reason. Somehow we get the answers too late or maybe we take too long to understand the signs. I’m sorry to say but I’ve noticed that people are quite ungrateful. They only see what is missing or what is bad. We must count our blessings.
My father passed away in 92 & to this day I haven’t been able to get out of that year. The only person who can help me is myself. I also haven’t been able to fight some of the demons but I know someday I will succeed.
