“Besides the obvious difference, there was not much distinction between losing a best friend & losing a lover: it was all about intimacy. One moment you had someone to share your biggest triumphs & fatal flaws with; the next minute, you had to keep them bottled inside.”
Yesterday when I read this, naturally it reminded me of my best friend. The strange thing is that we never had fights. Maybe this is one of the reasons why our friendship couldn’t last forever. There are things that I avoided & one day, I just deleted her from my orkut list (not a nice way to get rid of someone, but we were barely friends then). There are times when you have nothing against the person & yet you don’t want that person around. She wasn't the person I made friends with when I was a kid. She wasn't the person I grew up with. I don’t miss her as such.
Actually I miss someone I don’t know, but that dumb ass was always hesitant to talk to me. I was also thinking that Z & I have arguments almost on a daily basis. We hate each other during those fights & then after a while, we forget all that as if nothing has happened. We never explain, because giving explanation could lead to a far bigger argument :P What I like about our relationship is: when we get jealous of each other, we can’t even hide that. I think we can share almost anything. Sometimes she says that I don’t tell her everything & I’m guilty as charged, but Z is not that naughty & she’d actually faint, if I start telling her everything.
I think the 2 people I have bothered the most are my parents & sometimes I wonder it must be so difficult for any parent to put up with a child like me. I’ve a history of firing questions at them. Once my father was reading & I went up to him & I shouted at the top of my voice: why was I conceived in the 1st place? You 2 don’t love me. I didn’t even wait for his reply, I started throwing his things here & there, & then I left. I still bother my mom. The other day, I again asked her as to why she never left Papa. And to my surprise, she gave me an honest reply that Tariq was born in the 1st year & it was next to impossible, to get out of that relationship, because of a child.
Getting answers from parents is not an easy thing. It takes years sometimes. Some of my friends used to say that they could not dare to enter their fathers’ rooms just like that & they were startled that I could manage to raise a storm in the presence of Papa. Quite frankly, I don’t know the answer, but I was never scared of him. Whenever I had any problem, he used to tackle it. When I used to cry, he did find a solution to it. When I used to badmouth my siblings for being mean, he used to deal with that.
And this pic was taken by my mother. She really liked my curls, which is why my head wasn’t shaved a million times like that of my elder siblings. On my 2nd birthday, I forced my parents to get my head shaved & they didn’t want it but I was so adamant that they granted my wish. Once I wanted to wear 2 kinds of shoes on Eid. Both Ammi & Papa tried to convince me that I have a new pair of sandals & I should wear that one rather than these 2 different shoes, but again I didn’t give in. I haven’t changed much I suppose, but you won’t see me wearing 2 different kinds of shoes.
I pity the people who want to reform me. Today I came across this bumper sticker:
Nope I can’t go to hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me.
PS When I started writing this, I had few things in my mind, but then I don’t know what happened…I couldn’t share all of it.
