My dear imaginary friend,
There was a time when I used to think about ending my life almost every day. In fact, I used to try hard to finish it. I never succeeded & I’m not in love with life. It’s just that I don’t try to commit suicide anymore.
My alter ego once said to me: if you could save one life, it’s more than enough. Funny, isn’t it? My alter ego talking about saving a life when I’m dead! She also talks about neurotransmitters & how the level goes down & a person is not responsible for the chemicals in his body. She is ever ready to convince me that I’m not mad as the world depicts me. She has the nerves to say all this.
I think I saw my spirit once...flying in the air. I thought it was the end, but it wasn’t. It was the beginning; although I used to die by inches every day. I still do. The nightmare comes back every now & then. I don’t sleep & yet I see that nightmare with eyes wide open.
I’ve never liked the sight of blood. I never once tried to cut my wrist. I can’t see blood; it drives me nuts. I used to take sedatives & tranquilizers. I used take drugs. I was a big time addict. I was an escapist. I didn’t want to face anything. I was fucked up to the core. I wanted to run away from misery by inflicting it on myself.
My problem is...I can’t forgive & I don’t forget. Yeah I have a very good memory. Nemesis – I like this word. I want to know if there’s such a thing as nature’s retribution or poetic justice. I just can’t end my life. I need to have some answers. That’s why it doesn’t hurt as it used to. I may sound freaky, but I am not. And yes, it’s worth all the trouble.
Eternally yours,
The Living Corpse
Nadira Rahman
There was a time when I used to think about ending my life almost every day. In fact, I used to try hard to finish it. I never succeeded & I’m not in love with life. It’s just that I don’t try to commit suicide anymore.
My alter ego once said to me: if you could save one life, it’s more than enough. Funny, isn’t it? My alter ego talking about saving a life when I’m dead! She also talks about neurotransmitters & how the level goes down & a person is not responsible for the chemicals in his body. She is ever ready to convince me that I’m not mad as the world depicts me. She has the nerves to say all this.
I think I saw my spirit once...flying in the air. I thought it was the end, but it wasn’t. It was the beginning; although I used to die by inches every day. I still do. The nightmare comes back every now & then. I don’t sleep & yet I see that nightmare with eyes wide open.
I’ve never liked the sight of blood. I never once tried to cut my wrist. I can’t see blood; it drives me nuts. I used to take sedatives & tranquilizers. I used take drugs. I was a big time addict. I was an escapist. I didn’t want to face anything. I was fucked up to the core. I wanted to run away from misery by inflicting it on myself.
My problem is...I can’t forgive & I don’t forget. Yeah I have a very good memory. Nemesis – I like this word. I want to know if there’s such a thing as nature’s retribution or poetic justice. I just can’t end my life. I need to have some answers. That’s why it doesn’t hurt as it used to. I may sound freaky, but I am not. And yes, it’s worth all the trouble.
Eternally yours,
The Living Corpse
Nadira Rahman
