Age Is Just A Number

Toyo Shibata's book "Kujikenaide - Don't Lose Heart"

I don't know about all of you very successful writers out there, but I often have this feeling that one is so stuck up with no change and so many logical questions. I mean seriously, some of the things I questioned and longed for when I was sixteen or eighteen, I still haven't gotten the answer for them. Apart from the fact, that I am genuinely quite an unlucky person, most people I know are not born with such a luck. But still, sometimes, this feeling really sucks.

Anyhow, hopelessness comes and goes. For the longest time I did think I am a pessimist but actually I was not. I am just not very enthusiastic and chirpy perhaps but there is some hope somewhere. Hope is like a bitch that just doesn't stop loving you and so never leaves you.

Here is a story for all who do feel hopeless at times and yes for all those who think they are so old they cannot do anything new in life. 

In Tokyo, there is a 99 year old woman - Toyo Shibata who didn't start writing 50 years ago. She actually started writing poems when she was ONLY 92 years old and when she could no longer focus on her life long hobby of classical Japanese dance due to back pain. But guess what, even when she started so late her writings are actually quite popular amongst the younger generations.

Toyo Shibata

Toyo writes in a simple manner with simple titles. She has a huge experience behind her and has seen decades of changes in her country and around her so she pens them down and that has what made her a success today. Her anthology Kujikenaide  "Don't Lose Heart" is quite a success since 2009 and has sold over 1.5 million copies. It was among the top 10 titles of 2010. 

She also sometimes confesses secretly in her poems about love and her feelings. Some of her poems have titles such as "Everyone's Dreams Are Equal" and "Take It Easy, Don't Try Too Hard". She says she thinks about her current life,past, family and memories...words then come to her and writes her poems. She is compiling another anthology before her 100th birthday in June.

Well after reading about Toyo, I certainly feel age is just another number and that there is hope somewhere yes. I will try to work some more on publishing our book :P

Waiting game

We were having a discussion on a friend’s status & I said that waiting in itself is torture. However she believes that the promise will be answered. This is what I scribbled but I liked it so much that instead of posting it on her status, I thought of posting on our blog :P

What you regard as a promise that is taken as trials by many. Where you are standing, I’ve been there. We get answers but by the time, we get answers the questions change.

People give me a bad feeling (specially the ones who send love & act all nice) & that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t want to continue the discussion over there. I feel bad that I always do this to this particular friend but then I don’t even want my good friends to agree with me. Time is one factor that defines everything for you. You just have to wait. I don’t like to deceive myself & I also don’t believe in giving myself false hopes. In a way, optimism is a good thing but hopes get shattered eventually & that hurts. I actually came too far but everyone has to taste it for himself/herself. Maybe it’s different for everybody. We get the answers. God is not silent. When we wait & go through shit, the meaning of a thing also changes as we change.

Canvas of Hope

Promy: Is this all there left for us? To wait for hope to blossom again; then destiny shuts another door right in your face…right in your god-damn face…and then what do we do? WE WAIT!!!

Salma: I’m tired of this waiting game. We’ve waited all our lives and now I’m kind of tired of it. So I believe whatever you’ve got to do, you must do that today & that discards the very option of waiting. I guess today in itself is more than enough. Waiting for something or nothing isn’t going to work anymore.

Promy: Then it’s safe to say we are not expecting anything now. We don’t expect great stuff to happen in our lives. So we are OK with no hope. But I still feel without hope something is missing…something crucial is missing.

Salma: We expected a lot & believed in hope. In fact, we strongly believed in it…even then we missed out almost everything. Hope just wasn’t working for me. Anyhow, things also happen when you don’t hope and yearn for them…I find such things more fun.

Promy: You know what Salma honey that is true. So I’m throwing this crappy hopeless hope out of my window today. The moment is now! We live today. We decide today. And we party today. No need to cling onto something that gives nothing but pain & misery. The agony of it is too much. So you know…we must do what we should have done a long time ago. Let’s go to the Yalaa land for a change…Though I doubt it would be any better.

Salma: Some of my pals in the Yalaa land also have a bad habit of thinking, & once you start thinking, it’s really impossible to put an end to it. It goes on and on and it’s like you’re addicted to it. You just can’t help it, so you think and think more. If we get into discussions with them, we’d feel all the more miserable. However, Yalaa land is a pretty cool place to make out though.

Promy: Like there are fewer places to make out man. Remember the fools caught in those internet cafes. Endless creativity! In fact what a waste of creative thinking & energy! Well Yalaa land is known for its baseless discussions. I met an idiot from the Yalaa land – Cody Blue. She believed that the essence of life was found in poop. She studied poops to understand life and nature. She showed some interest in me and I thought that finally there was some hope…but she wanted to study my shit man to know me better. That was it! No Cody Blue…Nobody judges me or my sacred poop huh.

Salma: Oh my God, so it’s really true! Cody Blue actually does this kind of study & I heard that her cousin Mimosa studies only suction pumps. Some cousins! I once had the misfortune to meet him in person & he neglected me as if I was some leper. He only talks to guys for obvious reason. Anyway, I also heard…I don’t know how true it is…But Cody Blue steals shit of big shots to do her extensive study. They are both intense folks I guess.

Promy: Looks like there are some intense PHDs living in the Yalaa land. It must have a special sort of sand that whoever walks on it is bound to show interest in intense elements like poops and pumps. Once upon a time, a civil war broke out in the Yalaa land too, cause there was some breach of thoughts. Apparently, there were two sects – the Pure Yalaas who believed they were above all, cause they were pure and so they could do anything. And the Lost Yalaas who were so LOST and didn’t know who they actually were.

Salma: There are still the Pure Yalaas and the Lost Yalaas to this day. The Pure Yalaas look down on the Lost Yalaas, as if it’s their birthright. I just think Yalaa land is not different from any other place. As I said earlier on, you could have all sorts of fun over there. Sex is not a big deal, & so you can make love anywhere, anytime…that is the only charm, at least in my eyes. They say the Lost Yalaas are great kissers. By the way, Cody Blue and Mimosa are the Pure Yalaas…That’s why they get away with all the illegal activities.

Promy: Oh screw the Yalaa land! I think it’s true that hope shows a colorful picture, but it’s all quite hopeless in reality. The bigger picture is ‘EXTREMELY HOPELESS’ almost every where.

Nadira & Zaira

When I Lost Hope

How, when and why I lost hope…it all seems hazy to me now. Yeah, there was a time in my life when I thought I would never let go of hope. But things happen and they happen for a reason, be it good or bad. Or are things always good or bad? Isn’t there something in the middle? Isn’t there a shade of grey? Or is it always good against bad?

Oh how I look at hope now makes for a very interesting argument, if you can call it an argument! To me, hope is more like cancer…and it’s the kind of cancer that is incurable…it’s the one that kills eventually. Nevertheless, I think it’s a gone case when we choose our own murderer while dreaming.

Hope kills…Hope cheats…Hope lies…Hope robs…Hope makes you see dreams that aren’t true at all…Hope gives you that ray of light, which time ultimately snatches away from you. Yes, hope gives you a reason to smile, but only a witless fool can smile forever. Maybe I didn’t want to stay a fool all my life. We all make choices and I made this one.

What worries me a little is that today I’m all set against hope. It’s natural to think so when I wonder what else I’m going to lose tomorrow.

Nadira Rahman