Bullied Teens Dead

I read this sad piece on msn updates. It was about this teenage girl in Ohio, Sladjana Vidovic who was bullied at school so badly that eventually she ended up committing suicide in 2008. She hung herself to death by jumping off outside her bedroom window and tying the rope against the bed post. Her sister and family saw her hanging there dead. And obviously their lives have never remained the same since then.

She was 16. Apparently, the family had shifted from Croatia. The bullies at Mentor High School made fun of her accent, called her Slutty Jana or Slut-Jana-Vagina, threw food at her. In her time at Mentor High School, she was pushed off the stairs by a boy, smacked on the face by a bottle, received calls that she would wake up dead in the morning, told they will see her after school and much more.

Her friend at school said, she did use to stand up but eventually lost strength of fighting back with the non stop insults. Her parents complained to the management at school but nothing happened. They could not control the bullies. In fact, two years after her death, they have no records of complaints and they claim they lost track due to change in hardware.

Her sister remembers how the bitchy bullies came to her casket and laughed at how she looked even after she had died.

However, this was not the first incident. 4 teens had committed suicided at Mentor High School due to the on going, un-monitored bullies. Another boy, Eric Mohat was bullied and constant told that he was gay. He too committed suicide.

These two families are filing a case against the school. They have suffered and their kids suffered even more. I hope they get justice for their kids. Such incidents are very common. Bullies are out there all the time every where. Imagine how these sucky bullies will turn out to be as adults. Very dirty scoundrels.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39578548/ns/health-kids_and_parenting?GT1=43001

Sluts & Eunuchs

In my write-up “You are not my judges,” I said, “I think men, women, old people, children, eunuchs, sluts, animals – they all have genuine problems.” I don’t know how could I forget teenagers. They have some serious issues & those issues if not tackled properly may acquire the shape of demons later on & fighting your demons is always a big problem. However, I shouldn’t be forgiven for one thing – I didn’t mention that feminists & chauvinist too have problems. In fact, their problem should be everyone’s problem; that is the problem.

I was accused of using the judgmental word slut in my writing. Although the word eunuch too was there in that sentence, but how can any feminist notice that? First of all, relevance is the main thing. At least to me, it is. My topic had nothing to do with sluts. But on my note, I was painted as someone who doesn’t feel sorry for prostitutes. Isn’t it strange people who advocate about judgmental words can be so judgmental themselves! But that’s okay.

“The prostitute has the advantage, not only that she is available at a moment's notice, but that, having no life outside her profession, she can remain hidden without difficulty, and the man who has been with her can return to his wife, his family, and his church with unimpaired dignity. She, however, poor woman, in spite of the undoubted service she performs, in spite of the fact that she safeguards the virtues of wives and daughters and the apparent virtue of church-wardens, is universally despised, thought to be an outcast, and not allowed to associate with ordinary people except in the way of business.”

Bertrand Russell

I mentioned this passage in one of writings a couple of months ago. Now even if I use the word prostitute or whore, would that change the meaning? It’s the business of flesh. Women are available in the market as commodities & they are being used & then nobody gives a damn. Most importantly, by talking shit & dancing on irrelevant stuff, can we provide respect to these women in the society? The answer is pretty obvious. Still if some people want to bang their heads against the wall, they are most welcome.

Anyway I have been thinking about eunuchs. They too are being forced to lead the same sort of life as sluts. When they are little, some elder eunuch castrates them & so they become a part of the clan. Yeah some are also born that way. They too are humans. They too are suffering. Just like sluts, we can’t feel sorry for each & every eunuch though. But everyone has a story. If we take interviews of say 100 prostitutes & 100 eunuchs & they give honest answers, are we going to feel the same way about them? It’s just a question, but I think it’s a pertinent one.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend on the phone & I mentioned that almost 10 years ago, some of my friends went to Heera Mandi (Diamond Market). I too wanted to go there, but my mom didn’t allow me. My friends saw that even 14 year old were in this business, which is quite depressing, to say the least. We all know that many are forced into this profession & we do feel sorry for them. Again some are born there but some choose it.

However, we are also aware of these high-class prostitutes. In rich families too there are characters who charge men & they have it for fun…I think I should use the word lust here. Even if it sounds judgmental, this is the only word I could think of. Nobody calls it judgmental when we use it for men. Anyway, some practice this profession for good money. I do feel sorry for a lot of things, but I don’t feel sorry for such women. And I have been thinking that we may feel sorry for every calamity & misfortune, but are we going to change anything by feeling sorry? Again the answer is no. So I really don’t see the point as to why people want everyone to feel sorry for a situation that we can’t even alter.

I have also met people who say that prostitution is the oldest institution. Why do people want to put an end to it? Everyone is entitled to their views. There are some who say that sluts are sexually liberated women, but when they hear of any woman who sleeps with men, they can’t help calling her a slut. We also know that people sleep to go ahead (it happens everywhere, not just the film industry), now some feminist would also want us to feel sorry for these women. According to them, men are responsible for all the badness in this world.

I really don’t have time to fix the blame on anyone. I have seen that people just want to confuse others. I don’t even think the plight of sluts or eunuchs even matters to them, it’s just that they want to act weird or something. The thing is…I don’t see any solution at all. And all I know is that different people suffer in different ways in different places. Everyone has a story & that story could be tragic. How can you tell that the misery of one is greater than that of another?

You just can’t see through every wall & you just can’t

This has been one of my very controversial writings. I’ve tried to touch some sensitive issues with an open mind. Before I start off my discussion, I want to tell a short story.

One day a pastor went walking in the country & saw a cow looking over the wall. As he stood looking at the cow, he was approached by a member of his church who asked him, ‘Is something wrong, pastor?’
He replied, ‘Well, I’m having troubles.’
The farmer said, ‘Pastor, look at the cow. What’s the cow doing?’
‘She’s looking over the wall.’
The farmer said, ‘Why do you think she’s looking over the wall.’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’
‘She’s looking over the wall because she can’t see through it.’

Moral: There are lots of problems that can’t be solved.

I guess we all have come against some walls that we couldn’t see through. When solutions don’t exist or can’t be found for whatever reason, what should be done? Since life goes on, just like any practical person, we shouldn’t give a shit to it. That’s going to be quite a convenient choice, but there is one problem: it may prick your conscience, if it’s still intact. Naturally I need to talk on it.

I scribbled this passage of Bertrand Russell in one of my writings & I had been lynched by my best people.

“Suppose atomic bombs had reduced the population of the world to one brother & sister; should they let the human race die out? I do not know the answer, but I do not think it can be in the affirmative merely on the ground that incest is wicked.”

It’s the job of philosophers & writers to raise questions, but that doesn’t mean common man shouldn’t use his brain cells at all. I don’t know if human race has all the answers, but questions must be raised. Bertrand Russell is one of my mentors & when people label him as some sick philosopher, I don’t like it. These are the same people who sit back in their houses when they hear cases of incest & rape. Do they think that women & children gain something by creating such awful myths about themselves? Are they attention- seekers or what? Do they get some sort of happiness by besmearing their own life?

In one of the schools in Pakistan, male prostitution was carried on by teachers for 20 years & 20 years is a pretty long time. Students were molested, blackmailed & then they were prostituted. When the case came out in the newspapers, there were people saying that teachers couldn’t be involved in this filthy act. How very convenient!

I read somewhere:

“The most frequently reported type of incest is father-daughter incest. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is considered a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma, a trauma that often does serious and long-term psychological damage, especially in the case of parental incest.”

We have convenient answers in our society. Women can’t molest a child. Fathers, uncles, aunties & grandparents can’t molest a child. How can they? We just can’t. That’s what we tell ourselves, cause we like to deceive ourselves. So, my question is: who does this? Ghoulish, morbid, scary creatures from hell! Oh yes Mr. Satan is responsible for every evil. But what about humans? What role do they play? They are only victims. Then who is the culprit?

I also read this piece in which this woman says that she kind of loved this incestuous relationship with her brother for years & she also says there is a difference between abuse & consensual incest. She thoroughly enjoyed it for years & so did her brother. Now I’m not saying that she is right or wrong. I just want to highlight the point that only she could have made: there is a difference between abuse & consensual incest.

The other thing that I want to talk about is black magic. In case if you are too ignorant as to what is black magic, let me tell you one of the definitions that would make it easier for you to understand:

“Black magic would be invoked to kill, to steal, to injure, to cause misfortune or destruction, or for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences to others.”

So, it’s a kind of harmful sorcery associated with the worship of Satan. But who does that worship? Someone who is more inclined to settled quarrels by resorting to such means. I’ve heard that in this century (in which we are very, very modern), people cannot practice black magic. Doctors will immediately give you the answer that it is some kind of disease. Alright. If spells aren’t being cast on anyone, then why do we have Surah Falak & Surah Naz in the Holy Quran? There ought to be a reason, I suppose. Or maybe we accept one thing that suits us & discards another that doesn’t.

Bertrand Russell very beautifully said:

“As soon as we abandon our own reason, and are content to rely upon authority, there is no end to our trouble. Whose authority? The Old Testament? The New Testament? The Koran? In practice, people choose the book considered sacred by the community in which they are born, and out of that book they choose the parts they like, ignoring the others.”

Surah Falak:

Say ‘I take refuge with the Lord of the Daybreak
From the evil of what He has created,
From the evil of darkness when it gathers,
From the evil of women who blow on knots,
From the evil of an envier when he envies.’

Envy can drive one jealous being to any extent. Don’t people murder & throw acid? Don’t people rape & gang-raped? People can stoop down to any level. People go beyond the boundaries, when they want to hurt others. People become damn creative when they inflict pain on others. When people want others to suffer, nothing stands in their way.

It is also very clearly written in Surah Taha:

‘Fear not; surely thou art the uppermost. Cast down what is in thy right hand, & it shall swallow what they have fashioned; for they have fashioned only the guile of a sorcerer, & the sorcerer prospers not, wherever he goes.’

We don’t believe a person who says he’s a victim of black magic, because black magic is something ancient. It cannot happen now. Science has an answer & no, we have no time to think about possibilities with an open mind.

Henrik Ibsen said, ‘I think we are sailing with a corpse in the cargo.’

Human mind hasn’t progressed & if you think, it has, then you’re surely mistaken. Forget about going beyond the passages of Mr. Russell, people don’t even see what’s in front of them. They just want convenient answers & they grab them & go on. That’s why they don’t live; they only exist & occupy space. I’m sure that too is convenient.

The 3rd issue that I want to talk about is that of sluts. How they are being treated in this society! Now we don’t know how does a woman land in that gutter, but we call her foul names. Can all those people who call them names provide them respect in the society? No, they wouldn’t dream of it. In fact the word ‘slut’ is taken as an abuse. I will again quote my favourite philosopher, Bertrand Russell:

“The prostitute has the advantage, not only that she is available at a moment's notice, but that, having no life outside her profession, she can remain hidden without difficulty, and the man who has been with her can return to his wife, his family, and his church with unimpaired dignity. She, however, poor woman, in spite of the undoubted service she performs, in spite of the fact that she safeguards the virtues of wives and daughters and the apparent virtue of church-wardens, is universally despised, thought to be an outcast, and not allowed to associate with ordinary people except in the way of business.”

The issues that I have discussed today are mind-boggling & thought provoking. Please go beyond what I’ve written. Possibility is always there. These are walls that we can’t see through. We don’t have solutions. It has been quite a sensitive write-up. And I have been scared that I won’t do justice to it. I’ve said what I wanted to say. In the process, if I have hurt the sentiments of anyone, I’m sorry. I really am, but I can’t stay quiet like everyone else.

Nadira Rahman