My Wall and Shit

I have been reading, how N mentions Z in so many of her posts. Not that I am grateful or anything. But I believe it is but natural. It's like how can you be alive and not shit? How can you have a house without the walls? It's stuff that is there. So, I'll too write about my walls.

Now, talking about her what I want to mention here is her positive approach towards life. She is a positive person. An optimist. She never liked her name. Hope would have been her other name. But then Umeed in urdu (I am sure she wouldn't like that either). Though she does have her down phase but that goes away in no time.

Then she is like the child who forgets the ugliness very quickly. She loves to be happy and to have fun. She loves her time and wants to enjoy every bit of life in whatever way she could.

I also need to write down how, since forever, she first refuses to hear the songs or the new releases or anything new that I recommend. I tell her how big a hit this new song or this new movie is...but she says she has no interest in it. After many years, she falls for those songs and movies. It did happen a couple of times.

This time I forced her to watch Khuda Keh Liye with me after so many years. I told her you should now. It's be so popular. Check out how good a movie it is. It is a Pakistani good movie. But, I don't think she really enjoyed it. It's something like what I feel when she posts stuff like education related posts here or very scientific posts. I feel so bored.

One thing more, it's the headache and the flu. She has it everyday. She says this thing daily "Mere sar mai dard hai" I find it funny. I am sure she would have it. But it's the everyday bit.

A few days ago, I told her about this song I was listening to on the radio - a sad song but very touchy. It kinda reflects upon our lives in many ways. But then, we shared a good laugh when I reminded her of someone we knew who sang the same song but actually in the mind had a very different sort of crazy fun song. It was a funny thought but true in many ways.

I gotta admit though, I envy her when she is sleeping and I am getting ready. I like how she has no tensions about work and pressure related to handling client shit. I lowee the way she is doing what she loves. But I hate that she hates my sweet and sour potatoes. How can she hate them? She showed me a way and then left me alone to wander in the puddle of sweet and sour potatoes? What a tragedy.

She is my wall and my shit too lol

Full of shit

It’s nothing new & it’s not even that big an issue (keeping in mind that most of the people are educated jahils) but I still want to talk about it. This Sunday I had the misfortune to read some interview & I couldn’t read it till the end. Sara Taseer was only talking about Farrah Khan. The thing is…journalists who throw such questions or take such interviews are the ones to be blamed. But when the journalist is only interested in adding spice, then what you get is a piece of shit. This is not the 1^st interview I’ve read that made me say so.

Bitching is in human nature. People can’t help it but it’s the responsibility of the reporter. But then what am I talking about? In our country, reporters prefer giving their views rather than reporting. It seems like plunging into yellow journalism is what they truly want & that’s all they know. That lady said that she lost her cell phone & she was annoyed at it but she was laughing at Farrah Khan. When you really laugh at someone, you don’t attach significance to that being. You even forget that person after laughing. It doesn’t mean I’m painting Farrah Khan as an angel. She must have done something totally horrendous to get this sort of reaction.

Once I saw Amna Haq asking Ali Noor on TV that he buys clothes from Zainab Market but he tells people that they are designer wear…She wanted to know how true is this statement. How very low on anyone’s part to ask such questions! You may not like a person, but there is no need to insult anyone like this. And whoever came up with that bizarre question in the 1^st place, it only speaks highly about him. Throwing mud on others only shows that you yourself are full of shit.

Why the Great Escape?

Was it the same before we were born? Or is it just us? Will it be any different when we will be gone? I guess it was the same before, today and will continue forever. When the roots are faulty the overall plant can not really turn out to be a pretty sight. Whatever, we may end up doing, even if we give our 110 % attention to the plant to make it wonderful, deep down nothing changes.

Just a few things really that I should stop talking about now but I still question every time I see them happening.

Firstly, will people ever learn to draw the line? Do they really understand what the word privacy means? And if one is polite is it your place to get your ass into every shitty space you find? Some even try hard to fit in when they are not wanted. Even obvious signs are not enough. I ask every time why can't people learn to respect the fact that everyone does not want to share everything with them. Yeah, you are not that special. You are not worth discussing and sharing the joys and sorrows of life. Get it in your head you are not that important.

But for them everything is one big gossip. One big shit hole and they keep pouring in shit and jump into some more shit, then somebody else pours in more crap and they swim and swallow the shit deep down together. Then they speak and guess what it’s nothing but loads of crap that you hear.

Agreed there will always be such crappy people around all the time and not that I have not been aware of which crap was bigger or smaller than which one. My only concern remains that people hardly grow…it’s just the crap that grows with time.

Secondly, why escape when you can face it? Problems are a part of life – big or small. I don’t know why or how nobody ever taught me this but I have grown up facing them all my life. I have made so many faults just trying to solve the problems by facing them and got hurt badly innumerable times in the process. But that was the only way I ended up finding some solution also. May be I like to choose the harder road or may be things always turn up that way for me…but over the years I recall I have always tried and given my best shot and some way or the other things did get better in the end.

Now I get troubled when I see people whom I know are just picking the path of denial and not facing the truth. Escaping the truth and acting like the ostrich doesn’t lead to the best of places. How can they who taunted and mocked me all the while ended up so weak by not facing stuff when they fell into trouble? It’s quite simple to find flaws in the path others choose till you end up on the same road.

Although it’s their choice completely which path they choose and how they want to find the way out. With one of my friends I talked about him facing it but he doesn’t want to. That’s his way of tackling the situation. He will wait for the problems of the future to come at their own time and that he can’t avoid the mistake he is making today for some traditional reasons (which are not more important than one’s life and happiness I believe.) For someone else who is not facing the truth today, I never knew she was so weak.

And Little Did We Know!

I don't see why it's so difficult to understand

One needs some space to stand

It gets on to my nerves

No matter what you do nothing really serves

Counting hours, counting days

Pleasing sick dogs and finding ways

Every minute is so cheap

Can't even breathe

Life aint supposed to be

Like a sad teary sea

Big was the vision

And tricky is the division

Will and views

Found all the clues

Timing is all that is left

No more shit and no more theft

The dogs may bark and the madness they spread

But there shall be an end to this thread

Every dog has his day

As the great may say

Whatever you do

Will ultimately come back to you

No purpose, No meaning

Bits and pieces, All so sickening

And little did we know

It was only a fucked up show!

- Zaira