You are not my judges

“I have only one judge – myself - & I acquit myself.”

Jean-Paul Sartre

We all have stories. We all have problems. We all have had bad experiences. However, not everyone wants people to sympathize with him/her. I believe we encounter tough times for a reason…so that we become better & strong individuals. I think we don’t need courage to die; we need courage to live.

Anyway, there is no such thing on this planet as an absolutely right view point. If a person analyses anything from all the possible angles with honesty, it is quite a task to arrive at a single conclusion. Moreover, our background & experiences are accountable to a greater extent in shaping & forming our opinions.

In Moll Flanders, the protagonist said:

“In the next place, when a woman is thus left desolate & void of counsel, she is just like a bag of money or a jewel dropped on the highway, which is a prey to the next comer; if a man of virtue & upright principles happens to find it, he will have it cried, & the owner may come to hear of it again; but how many times shall such a thing fall into hands that will make no scruple of seizing it for their own, to once that it shall come into good hands?”

Daniel Defoe

Actually this passage has nothing to do with what I have in my mind, but it triggered me to think. Owing to discrimination & how problems are being depicted, it’s difficult to say whose problem is the biggest. However, problems are problems…they could be insurmountable & may not have any solution. I think men, women, old people, children, eunuchs, sluts, animals – they all have genuine problems.

Work place harassment is nothing new. In fact, harassment of any kind is not new. And I don’t know if at this point, I should say that people ought to understand. They say education could make a difference. I don’t know. I have seen innumerable educated jahils (illiterates). They say education could bring about a revolution. My question is: how is it possible? Education in our part of the world does not guarantee change of mental outlook towards life.

When I was in the university, we used to hear about cases of harassment. Teachers blackmailing students, cause grades were in their hands. Almost every department had one such exotic (read corrupt) piece.

During the 2nd semester, one of our professors was being very, very, kind on me. Naturally you get to know when things aren’t right. Although he never hurt me in any way, besides showing interest, but he stopped teaching us in the classroom & started talking about irrelevant stuff. I told my friends & thanks to them, the entire class knew it. Students were pissed off as he was a good teacher & he wasn’t teaching but babbling shit.

As usual students were discussing & a day came when one of my seniors called me & said that the teacher has gone off his head…he can’t concentrate, & they all think the right step is that I must leave the university. And she even asked me if it was a case of sexual harassment. I was quite pissed off. The next day, I went to the Chairman & narrated the entire story. This was a story in which students played an active role by discussing & presuming & wondering if it was something sexual. Yeah I know it’s my hard luck. I always get attention from the wrong kind of people. And no I didn’t have any fun whatsoever. As if people enjoy getting unwanted attention!

Anyway, I said to the Chairman that if anybody ought to leave the university, it should be the teacher, not me. And I even suggested that there is no need to teach students Tess of the D’urbervilles, as it doesn’t make much of a difference on their brain cells. They are the ones who love to ask juicy questions; they are the ones who can’t help giving new dimension to a problem; they are the ones who said I was being favoured & I got good marks that I didn’t deserve. Although it didn’t occur to those nitwits that I used to get good marks in all the subjects. And other teachers were not crazy after me.

I was lucky in the sense that the Chairman & another female teacher supported me. That professor was warned. It wasn’t easy for me to face the problem at that time though. I wanted moral support & I didn’t get any from my friends & best people. However, I got that support & protection from 2 teachers. One of them is dead & it's a great loss. He said to me that it’s our duty to inform about such incidents & he was thankful for that as no one ever had the courage to report about that teacher’s colourful nature.

My story is nevertheless not that scary or creepy, but there was pressure on me all along & I haven’t forgotten that. The point I want to highlight is that people around you make sure you have no peace; people around you make sure that you know what others are talking about you; people around you invent baseless stories; people around you know what you should do with your life & if accidentally you ask them what do they plan to do themselves…they might not have any answer, cause they are busy thinking as to what steps others should take. No wonder we haven’t stepped in the 21st century. It’s another thing that people are shedding clothes in our country. It’s like they equate nudity with progress. But they don’t know what’s the progress of mind.

“People only do what they want to do - & what they are capable of doing. If they were capable of anything else, there would be something else.”

D. H. Lawrence

Anyhow, I’ve learnt one thing from my bad experiences. When you come across someone nice, make sure you tell that person. Since everyone is not stupid & limited, I really don’t see the point why one must try to outdo others. If you’re satisfied with yourself…That’s more than enough. Do you really need to make an impression? Anyway, when fumes come out of your ears, make sure you share that candy with the one who is responsible for those fumes.


Nadira Rahman

Awesome Creatures!

“You can’t have a new, easy skin before you have sloughed the old, tight skin. You can’t. And you just can’t, so you may as well leave off pretending.”

D. H. Lawrence

Right at the outset, I want to tell you that I’ve met some very nice humans (both men & women). I don’t write about them, cause it’s going to be so boring.

Anyway, there are people who know what’s going to happen to a person in his future. Maybe they live in the future, but they are not psychic. There are people who want to bring about peace in the entire world & fail to accomplish the very aim with the very few people they mingle with. There are people who have problems with everything. There are people who think they are always right & others are always wrong. There are people who aren’t different at all, but want to be labeled as eccentric. There are people who want to act & sound smart 24/7. There are people who preach something & practice something else. There are people who are supersensitive about themselves & don’t give a damn as to what happens to others. There are people who think others are stupid & they won’t understand the meaning of anything that is not obvious. And yes there is one more kind that I can’t stand - the type that thinks with his dick & also has the audacity to think that the other person is equally excited when there is no connection whatsoever.


In all these years, the kind that irritates me the most are the ones who pretend to be such great humans & are so very comfortable with everything that is extremely disgusting around them. I don’t know how do they manage to do all that to themselves. I rarely turn them over in my brain. I don’t have the answer. In fact, I don’t have most of the answers.

I’d like to elaborate one type of people - I happen to know some who ask innumerable questions & they think it’s not obvious that they are trying to find out something, which is so obvious to the person. I think by the time I would be 70, people would stop asking such stupid questions. I seriously hope they do. At the age of 70, I may not seem stupid.

I have been teasing my sister for quite some time that she knows pretty weird creatures. Nevertheless, I happen to know really mad ones. I’m not sure if they are dysfunctional. But they are invariably right about everything & they know everything.

“God decided to do certain things in a certain way & why He did this is a secret known only to Him.”

Paulo Coelho

I’m not here to make people happy or to take dictation from them. You want to order, you can order your slaves, who are ready to worship you at any cost. I’m not saying that I don’t put up with shit. Of course I can, but that person has to be important.

“I say let the old guns rot. Get new ones, & shoot straight.”

D. H. Lawrence

It’s high time. People should come up with new tactics. It’s all the more boring to hear the same story again & again. It might be difficult when you don’t know how to use your brain cells. And yes it’s time to tell you why I have been ranting like this. Actually I read this in one of my notebooks:

“This is slavery, not speak one’s thought.”

Euripides

And I said what I had to. I just couldn’t help it. I know I must have missed a number of species. We’ll dissect them some other time.


Nadira Rahman

You just can’t see through every wall & you just can’t

This has been one of my very controversial writings. I’ve tried to touch some sensitive issues with an open mind. Before I start off my discussion, I want to tell a short story.

One day a pastor went walking in the country & saw a cow looking over the wall. As he stood looking at the cow, he was approached by a member of his church who asked him, ‘Is something wrong, pastor?’
He replied, ‘Well, I’m having troubles.’
The farmer said, ‘Pastor, look at the cow. What’s the cow doing?’
‘She’s looking over the wall.’
The farmer said, ‘Why do you think she’s looking over the wall.’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’
‘She’s looking over the wall because she can’t see through it.’

Moral: There are lots of problems that can’t be solved.

I guess we all have come against some walls that we couldn’t see through. When solutions don’t exist or can’t be found for whatever reason, what should be done? Since life goes on, just like any practical person, we shouldn’t give a shit to it. That’s going to be quite a convenient choice, but there is one problem: it may prick your conscience, if it’s still intact. Naturally I need to talk on it.

I scribbled this passage of Bertrand Russell in one of my writings & I had been lynched by my best people.

“Suppose atomic bombs had reduced the population of the world to one brother & sister; should they let the human race die out? I do not know the answer, but I do not think it can be in the affirmative merely on the ground that incest is wicked.”

It’s the job of philosophers & writers to raise questions, but that doesn’t mean common man shouldn’t use his brain cells at all. I don’t know if human race has all the answers, but questions must be raised. Bertrand Russell is one of my mentors & when people label him as some sick philosopher, I don’t like it. These are the same people who sit back in their houses when they hear cases of incest & rape. Do they think that women & children gain something by creating such awful myths about themselves? Are they attention- seekers or what? Do they get some sort of happiness by besmearing their own life?

In one of the schools in Pakistan, male prostitution was carried on by teachers for 20 years & 20 years is a pretty long time. Students were molested, blackmailed & then they were prostituted. When the case came out in the newspapers, there were people saying that teachers couldn’t be involved in this filthy act. How very convenient!

I read somewhere:

“The most frequently reported type of incest is father-daughter incest. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is considered a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma, a trauma that often does serious and long-term psychological damage, especially in the case of parental incest.”

We have convenient answers in our society. Women can’t molest a child. Fathers, uncles, aunties & grandparents can’t molest a child. How can they? We just can’t. That’s what we tell ourselves, cause we like to deceive ourselves. So, my question is: who does this? Ghoulish, morbid, scary creatures from hell! Oh yes Mr. Satan is responsible for every evil. But what about humans? What role do they play? They are only victims. Then who is the culprit?

I also read this piece in which this woman says that she kind of loved this incestuous relationship with her brother for years & she also says there is a difference between abuse & consensual incest. She thoroughly enjoyed it for years & so did her brother. Now I’m not saying that she is right or wrong. I just want to highlight the point that only she could have made: there is a difference between abuse & consensual incest.

The other thing that I want to talk about is black magic. In case if you are too ignorant as to what is black magic, let me tell you one of the definitions that would make it easier for you to understand:

“Black magic would be invoked to kill, to steal, to injure, to cause misfortune or destruction, or for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences to others.”

So, it’s a kind of harmful sorcery associated with the worship of Satan. But who does that worship? Someone who is more inclined to settled quarrels by resorting to such means. I’ve heard that in this century (in which we are very, very modern), people cannot practice black magic. Doctors will immediately give you the answer that it is some kind of disease. Alright. If spells aren’t being cast on anyone, then why do we have Surah Falak & Surah Naz in the Holy Quran? There ought to be a reason, I suppose. Or maybe we accept one thing that suits us & discards another that doesn’t.

Bertrand Russell very beautifully said:

“As soon as we abandon our own reason, and are content to rely upon authority, there is no end to our trouble. Whose authority? The Old Testament? The New Testament? The Koran? In practice, people choose the book considered sacred by the community in which they are born, and out of that book they choose the parts they like, ignoring the others.”

Surah Falak:

Say ‘I take refuge with the Lord of the Daybreak
From the evil of what He has created,
From the evil of darkness when it gathers,
From the evil of women who blow on knots,
From the evil of an envier when he envies.’

Envy can drive one jealous being to any extent. Don’t people murder & throw acid? Don’t people rape & gang-raped? People can stoop down to any level. People go beyond the boundaries, when they want to hurt others. People become damn creative when they inflict pain on others. When people want others to suffer, nothing stands in their way.

It is also very clearly written in Surah Taha:

‘Fear not; surely thou art the uppermost. Cast down what is in thy right hand, & it shall swallow what they have fashioned; for they have fashioned only the guile of a sorcerer, & the sorcerer prospers not, wherever he goes.’

We don’t believe a person who says he’s a victim of black magic, because black magic is something ancient. It cannot happen now. Science has an answer & no, we have no time to think about possibilities with an open mind.

Henrik Ibsen said, ‘I think we are sailing with a corpse in the cargo.’

Human mind hasn’t progressed & if you think, it has, then you’re surely mistaken. Forget about going beyond the passages of Mr. Russell, people don’t even see what’s in front of them. They just want convenient answers & they grab them & go on. That’s why they don’t live; they only exist & occupy space. I’m sure that too is convenient.

The 3rd issue that I want to talk about is that of sluts. How they are being treated in this society! Now we don’t know how does a woman land in that gutter, but we call her foul names. Can all those people who call them names provide them respect in the society? No, they wouldn’t dream of it. In fact the word ‘slut’ is taken as an abuse. I will again quote my favourite philosopher, Bertrand Russell:

“The prostitute has the advantage, not only that she is available at a moment's notice, but that, having no life outside her profession, she can remain hidden without difficulty, and the man who has been with her can return to his wife, his family, and his church with unimpaired dignity. She, however, poor woman, in spite of the undoubted service she performs, in spite of the fact that she safeguards the virtues of wives and daughters and the apparent virtue of church-wardens, is universally despised, thought to be an outcast, and not allowed to associate with ordinary people except in the way of business.”

The issues that I have discussed today are mind-boggling & thought provoking. Please go beyond what I’ve written. Possibility is always there. These are walls that we can’t see through. We don’t have solutions. It has been quite a sensitive write-up. And I have been scared that I won’t do justice to it. I’ve said what I wanted to say. In the process, if I have hurt the sentiments of anyone, I’m sorry. I really am, but I can’t stay quiet like everyone else.

Nadira Rahman